Monday, October 19, 2009

One romance, two twists

19.10.2009

“Nat!!!” he turned around to see who was calling.

“Hi Mahua, what are you doing here at this hour of the day?” he asked.

“I just wanted to meet you and talk. To see if every thing is alright.” She replied.

They were walking side by side. Nat was fair, blue eyed and tall. Yes he had a unique feature, even though he was pure and perfect Indian but his eyes were blue, which is some times seen in Kashmir. It did not enhanced his looks, dark eyes would have suited him better. Mahua was simply gorgeous , fair complexioned, short heighted and cute as a doll. They made a lovely couple.

“Lets sit down for a while.” She pointed at a park bench. They sat down side by side. The bench was still warm from the rays of setting sun.

A cool breeze was blowing. Evening was about to settle in the city. The water of the lake was slowly rippling in the breeze, creating a beautiful picture.

The benches were occupied by couples like them or friends and famillies.

Small children were running around startling human beings and scaring crows, pigeons and other birds which were strutting on the grass for some thing to eat.

The trees were resonating with chirping of birds, returning to their nest one by one.

“I don’t know what I will do with them. I have told them a hundred times that I want to marry you but they just wont listen.” Nat fumed.

“Why don’t you talk with the girl and tell her that you are in love with me?” Mahua asked softly.

“Dad told me he will disinherit me if I marry without his consent.” Nat said. “That will mean a hand to mouth life. I don’t have any existence outside his office.”

“Lets see what we can do. Seems we will have to twist our fingers to get the butter out of the jar.” Mahua replied. “whats her name? your dad and mom’s choice?”

“Rekha.” He said

“Will you point her out to me in stealth? I will make it sure that she refuses you.” She laughed.

“That wont be a problem. Lets go and eat something. I did not had my lunch. I am famished.” He stood up pulling her to her feets.

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20.10.2009

They entered a restaurant, a soft light was illuminating the restaurant. Nat looked at her face. She was awesome. Her dark, huge eyes were magical, so was the remaining face… soft, rosy lips, dark hair. She knew how to dress up. Every one was looking at her repeatedly.

He sometimes felt scared that someone will steal her from him. “What will you have?” he asked her, his eyes never leaving her face.

“Dosa, masala dosa and ice cream.” She replied.

Nat called the waiter and placed the order.

He has hidden one thing from Mahua, who was his secretary. He was infatuated with Rekha when he studied in college. His family has told him again and again to get over her but he has refused to abide.

Whenever her parents fixed a match for her his friends used to poison the mind of her might have been groom or his family. Telling them that she was having an affair with Nat. Every thing happened without the knowledge of Rekha and her family.

His father came to know about his mischiefs and consented to their marriage, but asked Nat to become independent first. Well he got independent and also got Mahua.

When he went back home and told his parents that he wanted to marry Mahua his father exploded with fury. “Get out of my home and marry any one you want.”

His mother who doted after him took his father’s side without second thought, “Don’t give my love a bad name. you should be ashamed to say these things. You have ruined the reputation of that girl without any reason? That’s what you want to tell us?” she stomped out of the drawing room and banged the door on his face when he tried to follow.

Mahua was his only hope. He did not wanted Rekha any more. He was obsessed with Mahua. He reached out and clutched her hand, “You are my only hope.”

21.10.2009

They left the restaurant chatting happily, forgetting every thing that has happened during the day but their love for each other.


Mahua was sitting in her bedroom, a soft moonlight was spread all around her. She lived outside kolkata, commuted to kolkata to work. She has fallen in love with Nat instantly, and his reciprocation was a miracle to her.

She was from a middle class family. Her father worked in a factory as supervisor. The love of a rich businessman was a dream come true for her. A guy who was handsome, well educated, sophisticated and madly in love with her.

She started to softly hum, then a thought crossed her mind and she started to smile.

Rekha was coming out of her school the next afternoon. The weather was simply fabulous. The soft winter sun was basking the world. Children were screaming with happiness. Some were waiting for their buses to pick them up and others were heading home either on foot or by some other means.

She started to stroll toward home.

“Rekha!!! Hey!!!! Is that you?” she was startled to hear someone shout her name. She turned around and saw one of her college friends Jeet walking toward her.

“How are you? Its been ages since I last saw you!” He smiled. “Meet my friend Mahua.” He introduced the gorgeous girl standing beside him.

23.10.2009

“Lets sit down in the park” Jeet pointed toward the small park just beside the road.

They sat down side by side. “You teach in this school?” Mahua asked Rekha. “I work just around the corner.”

“In private concern or government office” Rekha asked casually.

“Private concern, Singh Automobiles.” Mahua said. She noted the slight blush on Rekha’s face.

Then they got engaged in myriad conversations and after a while when the dusk started to settle down on the city they parted their ways.

“Rekhadidi!!!!” Rekha turned her face to meet Mahua when she was coming out of school next afternoon.

“What a pleasant surprise.” Rekha smiled. “It seems we both go home at the same time. Yet we have never noted each other before.”

They started to stroll together toward the bus stop. “Didi can I ask you some thing?” she asked after a while. “Jeet told me you and Nat were collegemates!”

“He has proposed to me, but there is a problem. His parents want him to marry someone else otherwise they will throw him out of his house and disinherit him.” She said innocently. “How is he as a person? I am planning to accept his proposal even if he is penniless.”

“Nat has proposed to you?” Rekha hid her surprise. She was a very calm lady, who rarely showed her emotions too much, deepest pain are easiest to hide. She just hid her eyes from Mahua.

“Yes, didi, again and again. We are very good friends. We often go out together. He has told his family again and again that he wants to marry me but they have made their own choice.” She said. “If I knew who that girl is I would have begged her for my love. But Nat says he will leave his home and marry me.”

“Marriage is a decision to be taken after being thought about thoroughly.” Rekha said. “Again it’s a decision one should take independently or jointly with one’s spouse. Third persons always mess up.”

“Nat is a good guy, as far as I know him. We have never been very close friends.” Rekha said. It was true. Nat was the one who stalked her but never dared to propose her.

“Your bus has come didi, bye bye!” Mahua said with a smile, “till we meet again tomorrow.”

Rekha sat down on her bus seat immersed in deep thoughts. Mahua started to walk toward the nearest restaurant with a soft smile upon her lips, Nat was waiting for her there.

25.10.2009

“Baba, tell them I wont marry Nat.” Rekha softly told her father when Nat’s parents approached him.

“But Rekha…” he stopped in midway, he knew his daughter very well.

“Rekha does not wants to marry Nat.” he told Mr. Singh.

“It has something to do with that monkey. I can swear about it.” Mr. Singh told his wife, who has mysteriously joined his side after doting after Nat for years.

“As Rekha is not interested in marrying him, we don’t have any thing to say. Well, lucky for her.” He added.

A few weeks later Nat popped up the question of marrying Mahua again.

“You can marry any one you want, but you will have to vacate my home and look for a job for yourself.” Mr. Singh said calmly. “But I will not disinherit you, as Rekha has denied marrying you. You will get all my property after I am dead.”

thats all :) ...

30 comments:

  1. Nice, you brought in the senses of sight and touch into it.

    "A cool breeze was blowing. Evening was about to settle in the city. The water of the lake was slowly rippling in the breeze, creating a beautiful picture."

    This is good. But in the sentence above you could have brought in the sense of touch to good use. You could have mentioned that the bench still felt warm to the touch.

    They were in a city. Let city noises come to their ears. let us even imagine that it is a deserted city road, but there could be city noises from afar. If we can't do anything about taste, you can try saying there was the taste of the spring in the air or something like that. It would be good to engage readers into the story that way.

    These are only suggestions though

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  2. Dearest sam,

    thanks, i will try to add this points after every brush up.. :)

    i have changed this story as per your idea, i will use that when i shift this story to the blog i mentioned to you..

    its another blogspot blog, but i have added that blog in agnitrisha, not here.. its url is
    sculptingstories.blogspot.com

    you can check it whenever you feel like. you know sam, the problem is the writers never spruced up their stories, it was the work of the editors.. i have already have an editing offer. i told her if i ever become confident that people will pay money to read my stories i will contact her :) :)

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  3. The name of the new blog is good, I like it. You have already matured as a writer of prose. So let others see the stories now and say their bit. I shall come as an appreciator now.

    An editor is a pretty good idea , dearest Trisha, if you seriously think on publishing your work. Most editors are writers themselves and would know the basics about good story telling, also they would provide the readers angle too when they edit your stuff. So its a very good idea. A good editor can make your story look twice as good by a few touch ups.

    But don't spend money unless you are sure that there are takers, as you say. Brush your stories up as much as you can and if you ever approach them they can polish it further.

    You might need them in future, you know, just think up a few catchy stories or longer ones or a novel with a current theme and you might catch some notice.

    Good lunch and happy writing dearest Trisha :)

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  4. There are some pixies in my computer today! I write luck and it appears as lunch :)

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  5. dearest sam,

    writing is right now just hobby for me. but i will do as you said... i will keep sending these stories after they are completed here to other sites, to get some heartless criticism :)

    i will love it if you can keep on suggesting me, i know its too much to ask but i sincerely hope that it is helping you in some way or other because its helping me TOO MUCH, even though its my hobby, but if it ever becomes my profession you have a big, big treat due for you :)

    you know when i wrote for MSN they used to often give my articles really good names.. god bless them, i am always out of proper "titles"

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  6. told you those pixies are really naughty :)

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  7. The pixies are still troubling me :) They made a mess with my last poem and the comments that I was writing! And the low voltage shuts the computer down when I want to do something in it.

    You are doing great work here anyway. Soon you would start feeling quite capable of taking the literary world on :)

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  8. dearest sam,
    low voltage? that was a speciality of burdwan, i thought it was a speciality of burdwan only.. :)

    i prefer places where are either full or no voltage..

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  9. In this place one needs to have a generator to survive. In my village we used to have a step up for it. Voltage would dwindle down to an unbelievable low there. We needed to step it up to maximum to see anything clearly . Now it is much better, but still water level in the dams go down ( we are the sole consumers of hydel power in the whole universe now) our voltage goes down :)

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  10. dearest sam,
    thats really sad.. :( i left those days back in burdwan.

    hours and hours of low voltage.. :(

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  11. Today when I was here it happened and it is now almost midnight and I am only at it for the last half hour or so.

    I may have to buy a step up thing :)

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  12. dearest sam,
    well, to live like a normal human being i think you should..

    i cant imagine a life in which my brain will not be regularly exercised..

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  13. Well nice, there is no point in forcing love.Good story dearest Trisha. I would have liked to see the philosophy coming right out of the story. Thats what people look in stories. The solution part.

    The Protagonist ( in this story it has to be Rekha) has an Conflict ( marriage with an inconstant guy) and it has to have a Resolution
    (final out come). In this case Rekha after considering everything decides to ditch the proposal. The ending is very good. But I think that in such plainly told, realistic stories as yours what the readers are looking for is a solution they can relish. So there need to be a philosophical background to it.

    I can't tell you how to do it. But you need to make the readers sigh after reading the story believing that "Yes that is life" . This is the magic which makes a story different from real life events. A story drives this point home. Removes the veil from the peoples eyes temporarily.

    You are good writer Dearest Trisha. Make the readers carry those stories within their hearts.

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  14. dearest sam,

    in this case i will quote soulbro, he recently posted a comment in one of my poems.. "we shall not interfere in the karma of others...." i guess as both the girls in this story were harmless they both won. Mahua won her love and Rekha was saved from ending up with a scoundrell.

    when i write a story, i let a simple truth run, no drama.. no clash of characters, antagonist, protagonist for me in every story :)

    in this story there was a simple truth.. a fickle minded guy and his ways and his just parents.

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  15. Technique is all dearest Trisha

    You can type even without learning it, but can't pass the test with that . Publishing( if you aim for it) is such a test. They would look at the basics every time. Only if the basic structure is good would they consider it.

    So, main character-conflict-resolution should be your mantra when you write a story. Tell me if you don't know what I am talking of. I will explain it further. It is absolutely necessary to learn the grammar of writing to do something with it.

    All the other truths come within this frame work

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  16. dearest sam,
    you can explain certainly, but .... :)
    after we discussed i have thought about it a little bit, as you know i have read too many books and stories, :)

    i observed that my way of framing the story is perfectly alright, a lot of legendary writers follow this way, all they have as advantage is giving life to the characters.. thats the magic touch of a legendary writer (or picking up a unique theme).. i think you and i have absolutely different opinions about writing :) i will sure love to hear what you want to say.. you can never tell..

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  17. Dearest Trisha,

    Okay have it your way

    There is no point in discussing the craft of story writing now.

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  18. dearest sam,

    thanks.. i think that will be better too..:) every one has his/her own style. Phew!!!!! the hammer finally hit tne nail..

    see if you like my style, its just a story, dont try to dig too deep :)

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  19. Yeah the hammer finally hit the nail :)

    Good writers do not often allow others to interfere with their stories :):)

    I have posted certain other comments on starting a forum etc somewhere else. Did it before seeing this reply. I withdraw them wholly now.

    Its just a story as you say......

    I like your approach to story writing :)

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  20. good boy, i am happy that you like my way of writing.. why did you revoked that comment? :)

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  21. I revoked the comment because "we won't interfere with any ones karma"

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  22. heh heh.. now johnny's being really naughty.. aint he?

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  23. Ha-ha dearest Trisha,

    I am not a fatalist. I believe that we make our destiny by our actions. But the saying I quoted by your friend was fatalistic and naive. Who believes in foolish Karma other than very pedestrian souls?

    But strangely you seems to be in agreement with it.

    I was showing my helplessness in that case.

    You know, what can't be , can't be :) However I try :)

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  24. dearest sam,
    i always take the views of others openly, i agree with soulbro's comment upto a limit.. we can take a horse to a pond but cant make him drink the water can we?

    just like that, i can tell a person that he should walk the right path, but if he refuses it again and again i will let them do his karma and walk my prescribed path myself :)

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  25. You both seems to have a very vague idea about what Karma is ;)

    If you can get hold of a copy of Swami Vivekananda's "Karma Yoga" read it and make your friend read it too. It would open your eyes to the real nature of Karma. what you already know may not be the end of all knowledge.

    We decide our destiny, we steer its course, we manufacture it with out effort.

    I would have suggested the entire "Shad Darsana's" of India for the purpose of learning what Karma is. But that doesn't look very possible in both your cases does it?

    This poor fatalism that you two believe in has no connection with the law of Karma. If you really learn what it is you would become mute on the subject altogether.

    It is easy from little knowledge to believe that what others are doing are wrong.

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  26. i dont read spiritual things, i search my own soul when i look for a path.. i think my soul is enough :)

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  27. You see you are predictable ;)

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  28. I would not say anything that is on my mind from this time onwards. I shall be untruthful to myself

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